I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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