remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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