Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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