I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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