I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
