thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
