i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My bed smells like the plague
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
