So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
