Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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