It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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