you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
