sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How naked do you want me to be?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
