I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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