you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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