If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
