I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.