Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
