nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been