Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
two words...techno handjob
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her