i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole