the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed