I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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