whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
