just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
