It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
