She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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