why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
