I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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