you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
