someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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