you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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