I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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