You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
