Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
