I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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