Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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