Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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