Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
