i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize