absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
