I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
