I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
