You're completely useless in the revolution.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
