imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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