I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
