if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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