Your mouth is God's brothel.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
