what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
