Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
