If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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