if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
