Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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