I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That accounts for only three of the penises
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
