I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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