I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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