She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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