East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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