some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just invented taco cereal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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