My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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