so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
