I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize