They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm at about main and main street
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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