I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize