the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
