i don't like sucking hair
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
