if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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