I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
