I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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