the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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