so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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