Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
